Our family has gone through some big changes in the past few days that have brought on some stress and chaos....not that our lives aren't always full of stress and chaos, but this time is different.
Since God lead us to adopt 3 years ago, our family has been in a constant state of chaos - hence the name of this blog. Adding 4 people into a famiy all at once is not going to happen without some stress, and we were prepared for that. However, when one of those four new people is extremely challenging, your view of what "normal" feels like begins to shift. Although you can tell that your life is not like 'most people's lives', you're not able to really define how different it is.....it's the whole seeing the forest for the trees thing. It feels so overwhemling that stepping back and looking at what's going on with a new perspective seems almost impossible.
Yet, that is what we've been challenged to do over this past month. What we had intended for our family of 7 and what we were stubbornly determined to make happen was getting further and further from reality. We began to see that no matter what we changed, the end result was going in a completely different direction.
So, I began to pray and ask some sweet, faith-filled friends to pray with me, that I would be able to 'see' the situation through different eyes. Instead of viewing what was happening in our family from my perspective....as Christian mommy, hopeful caregiver, adoptive mom, determined-to-make-it-work adult, educated woman, family-oriented person.....I needed to look at our situation from Mr. Adventure's point of view. That meant learning to look at life as an anxiety-filled 8 yr old boy, a child who had been hurt and abandoned by this birth mom, a child without the ability to bond, a child who believes anyone who is 'family' is likely to hurt him, a child who constantly feels like he doesn't fit in, a child who knows he makes bad choices but still chooses to make them, a child who sees his biological siblings blending into a family that he doesn't want to be in, a child who is struggling at school, a child who deserves a chance to heal from his past.
As I prayed for the ability to shift my perspective, I saw our family differently. I saw that Mr. Adventure usually sits on the sidelines of activities we do as a group. I saw that he's always watching to see if an adult will see his next move. I saw his choices to jump from 2nd story windows as the deperation he felt to find a place where he fit in. I noticed his lack of bond or emotional attachment with not only me and My Hero, but also with all four of his siblings. I realized that they feel completely different toward him than he does toward them and that it likely is very uncomfortable for him. I started to understand that the never-ending expectation that people in a family love each other and enjoy being together made him miserable because he couldn't feel those things.
What a different world a loving, fun-filled, active family is when you see it from his point of view!
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