Odd conversations

We recently visited Mr. Adventure in person for the first time since he moved into the Boys' Ranch.  The time we spent together went very well.  The kids were all excited to see him and he seemed genuinely happy that we were there.  He completely cooperated with us the entire time.  At the end of our time together, he casually strolled back into the home without a scene - and really without even saying goodbye. 

Not once did he ask when we would visit again, how long we would have to stay there, if he could come home, or if we'd ever see him again.  He did not indicate that it mattered to him at all. 

The following week at our house went smoothly.  It seemed to have been a positive thing for the kids to see that he was doing well.  It answered alot of their questions and helped this whole situation seem less scary. 

That week for Mr. Adventure was quite opposite.  He was raging daily, uncooperative, distructive of property, and finally escalated on Thursday to being physically aggressive with the other boys in his house.  At that point, he was taken to the psych hospital by the staff. 

It is still baffling to us that he does these things.  We hate to see him continuing down this path of self-destruction.  In an effort to help the kids understand exactly why he needed to live there, we try to update them on his behavior/choices regularly.  Although it is not usually a pleasant conversation, it is important for them to grasp how much help he needs. 

Sadly, most of our conversations start out with the basic facts, but after some question time from the kids, ends up being about what will happen to Mr. Adventure in the future if he continues to make the same choices.  Again, trying to be honest with them and help them understand that bad choices have unhappy consequences, we answer them honestly. 

I wish my kids didn't have to worry about what the inside of a jail looks like and what visiting hours may be.  I wish they didn't have to think about visiting their brother there as adults.  I wish their sweet little hearts didn't have to consider what will happen to him if he's not old enough for jail, but still makes horrible choices.  I wish that it wasn't so likely that Mr. Adventure will experience that life and that it will likely be sooner rather than later.  I wish he'd grasp that he can make better choices.  I wish his brain wasn't drug exposed before he was born.  I wish his birth mother could understand the life-long struggles that her/my children are facing because of her selfish choices during pregnancy. 

I wish the answers to my kids questions about their brother were different.