Odd conversations

We recently visited Mr. Adventure in person for the first time since he moved into the Boys' Ranch.  The time we spent together went very well.  The kids were all excited to see him and he seemed genuinely happy that we were there.  He completely cooperated with us the entire time.  At the end of our time together, he casually strolled back into the home without a scene - and really without even saying goodbye. 

Not once did he ask when we would visit again, how long we would have to stay there, if he could come home, or if we'd ever see him again.  He did not indicate that it mattered to him at all. 

The following week at our house went smoothly.  It seemed to have been a positive thing for the kids to see that he was doing well.  It answered alot of their questions and helped this whole situation seem less scary. 

That week for Mr. Adventure was quite opposite.  He was raging daily, uncooperative, distructive of property, and finally escalated on Thursday to being physically aggressive with the other boys in his house.  At that point, he was taken to the psych hospital by the staff. 

It is still baffling to us that he does these things.  We hate to see him continuing down this path of self-destruction.  In an effort to help the kids understand exactly why he needed to live there, we try to update them on his behavior/choices regularly.  Although it is not usually a pleasant conversation, it is important for them to grasp how much help he needs. 

Sadly, most of our conversations start out with the basic facts, but after some question time from the kids, ends up being about what will happen to Mr. Adventure in the future if he continues to make the same choices.  Again, trying to be honest with them and help them understand that bad choices have unhappy consequences, we answer them honestly. 

I wish my kids didn't have to worry about what the inside of a jail looks like and what visiting hours may be.  I wish they didn't have to think about visiting their brother there as adults.  I wish their sweet little hearts didn't have to consider what will happen to him if he's not old enough for jail, but still makes horrible choices.  I wish that it wasn't so likely that Mr. Adventure will experience that life and that it will likely be sooner rather than later.  I wish he'd grasp that he can make better choices.  I wish his brain wasn't drug exposed before he was born.  I wish his birth mother could understand the life-long struggles that her/my children are facing because of her selfish choices during pregnancy. 

I wish the answers to my kids questions about their brother were different.

The Medication Mystery

Mr. Adventure is on a slew of medications for his various diagnoses.  I'm not convinced that any of them work very well, but it seems that we have a combination that keeps a few of his behaviors partly controlled. 

Since we met him 3 years ago, he has changed or added medications many, many times.  Over the past year, we've added a few of the new ones, added and discontinued one, and changed dosages of many about every 2 months. 

When this summer started, we once again made a med change and 2 new ones.  Things had finally started to feel like we had found the right combination.  During all of this, I've been less than happy with our psychiatrist, so recently I made a switch to someone new.  Unfortunately for us, this new dr decides to make more changes to our currently stable dose of meds.

I explained very carefully to him that we did not just pull these numbers out of the air.  We had worked up to the current doses slowly and only because the lower doses did not impact his behaviors.  Well, he decided to make this change anyway. 

One of the meds (a mood stabilizer) was slightly decreased after we discussed it thoroughly.  The other (an anti-anxiety) was taken down to less than half of what he had been on without my consent.  This really irritated me.  Decreasing this med, for a kid with an extreme and crippling anxiety disorder, was disasterous for our family. 

Luckily for us, My Hero was available to go to this last medication management appointment.  He discussed the problems with the psychiatrist and asked for the meds to be returned to their previous doses.  The dr was willing to move one of them back, but argued a little about the other one.  He kept saying, "let's leave it like this a little longer and see how it goes". 

Now, despite how it sounds, I'm not one who likes having my kids medicated.  A few years ago I would have said that I could always find an alternative to medicating my child.  However, I have seen that I was wrong in that assumption.  At this point, Mr. Adventure has to know what it feels like to be 'normal' before he'll ever be able to choose that.  I'm not positive that he'll ever be able to self-regulate....drug exposure in utero seems to have that effect.

Back to dealing with the dr....to his recommendation to 'just see how it goes', My Hero replied "For you, just seeing how it goes only changes the swipe of your pen the next time we see you.  For us, just seeing how it goes means 30 days of living with an unmanageable child, further stressing our already over-stressed family, and decreasing the potential of any positive interactions with this kid.  So, with that in mind, I'm not willing to just see how it goes.  I know how it will go.  We've been on that dose before and lived through the disaster." 

At that, the psychiatrist quietly wrote the Rx for the dose that he was asked.  What a circus is medication thing is!!