No Guarantees

Being an adoptive mom is difficult.  It isn't always fun or rewarding.  Learning to parent children with extreme backgrounds and histories is tough. Really tough.  I've had my share of days that seem like they will never end.  Days that drain every ounce of energy out of me and reveal a side of me that I wish didn't exist. 

For me, being an adoptive mom is very different than being mom to my biological daughter.  I understand her.  Her reactions to situations make perfect sense to me.  I know what to say and do to comfort her.  She completely trusts in my love for her.  We've still had days where we don't exactly mesh.  But few things in my life bring me more happiness than my relationship with her.  I am also extremely aware of the blessing that it is to feel that way. 

Parenting my adoptive kids, on the other hand, almost never comes easily.  Knowing how to handle their reactions, feelings, comments, and moods is so hard.  And I'm not very good at it.  I try to not make the same mistakes too many times, but even the new strategies that I attempt tend to flop on a regular basis.  It is a rare occasion for me to get through a whole day without at least one huge failure with at least one kid.  Very. Rare. As in, it's maybe happened twice in the 3 years since I've been their mom. 

I keep hoping that things will get easier or that I'll get better at this whole mothering thing.  I couldn't imagine even attempting this without the Lord's help.  It's during the most difficult moments that I try to force myself to remember that He brought these kids to me for a specific reason.  And by try, I mean that I usually lose sight of the bigger picture until after the fact. 

I also remind myself that He has not promised me success in this situation.  He has not promised that I'll be able to be a wonderful mom or that I'll even know what I'm doing as a mom.  When God asked us to adopt, it didn't come with a guarantee that my kids will be so thankful for our decision.  I wasn't promised that my life will be without challenges or struggles after we adopt.  I wasn't even promised that I'll ever see anything positive come from this situation.....that's a hard one to accept. 

I am only promised that same things that God promises to all of us in His Word.  That obedience to the Lord pleases Him.  That He will use all things to work for His good (not that I'll see the good in this lifetime).  That His plan is perfect and that I'll likely never understand it.  And that above all else, the point of all of this is for His Glory.