1. A short period of rest or relief from something difficult or unpleasant.
During our adoption preparation classes, we heard this term a lot. It was recommended that we have several people in our lives that could provide respite for us once our family grew via adoption. So, we sat down and made a list of some local friends who we felt we could call if needed and some local places that offered Parents' Night Out or similar childcare services. We also made a schedule for how/when My Hero and I would take time for ourselves to relax and refresh. On paper, we had it worked out so that we would not become overwhelmed or overly stressed once we became parents to 5 children.
Fast forward 2 years....not only had it become to impossible to find time for ourselves, we found it difficult to ask friends to help due to the intensity that came with parenting 5 kids, especially when Mr. Adventure was one of those kids. He added such a severe level of stress and tension to our family dynamic that we felt as if asking someone else to deal with his behaviors was impossible.
We also noticed, or at least felt as if, our friends didn't realize or want to know how stressful our situation had become. Most people would casually ask how things were going in passing. A few friends took the time to sit down and really invest in our lives by asking questions and hearing our story. Their empathy and sincerity during our discussion was real. Unfortunately, very few would make an effort to get involved to help or even follow up to see how things were going. I'm hopeful that they did pray for our family, even if we didn't know about it.
All of this lead to a stress-induced and desperate choice to sell our home and move over 1000 miles in order to live closer to family in hopes of having active help with our struggling family situation. Despite making offers on 3 homes in that area, God chose to close the door on the option to move. This was frustrating and confusing for us, especially since the home we were living in had already sold.
Fast forward one more year to our current life. We ended up only moving a few miles. We found a few babysitters that we feel comfortable using occasionally, but always put Mr. Adventure to bed before they arrive. His behaviors have intensified and become more difficult to handle. Our other 4 children live with more stress then they should have to because of Mr. Adventure's impact on our family.
Most of the people that we knew a year ago, and had spent 5-10 years building relationships with, have no idea what's going on in our family. One very sweet friend has continually supported, prayed, and loved our family. A few other friends have stuck around and know a little of what's happening with us. A few new friends have come into our lives and are actively supporting our family by asking difficult questions and not being scared off by the difficult answers. I even have a couple of new, dear friends that I meet almost weekly for a girls' night out.....the respite given by those few hours of friendship is refreshing.
One family, that we've known for close to 10 years, came to us a few months ago. With tears in their eyes, they told us that they will do anything they can to support and help us. They told us that they realized how badly we must have needed help to have attempted to move so far, and that they would guess that we still need that level of support. They were SO right!! The compassion and love that they have given to our family in these last few months has been a breath of fresh air. They randomly stop by to visit. They mail cards to us and Mr. Adventure. They text weekly. We have spent time at their home and seen how they make a serious effort to connect and love on Mr. Adventure. They are such a blessing to us. They have given us the needed mental respite that we've needed by just being able to be real with them.
We still need a better plan for how to give our other 4 kids some respite from the stress of this situation. Our precious Grannie H has offered to take Mr. Adventure to her home for a few weeks....we may take her up on it. Just the offer has brightened our spirits and made the more difficult times a little more bearable.
When we first heard of the importance of respite, we didn't grasp how critical it would become for us. Having a large family is challenging regardless of how it's built, but building it through adopting challenging children makes it unbelievably difficult at times. I'm so thankful for the few amazing people that God has brought into our lives to help us through it!
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